


G is for Gratitude

by suzannemarie (finlass)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-10
Updated: 2010-06-10
Packaged: 2017-10-10 01:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finlass/pseuds/suzannemarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the anniversary of Charlie's death, Jack and Sara visit his grave together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	G is for Gratitude

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I went to the Charlie well once more.
> 
> This was originally going to be a quiet conclusion for my story Choices. I decided that I didn't really like the fit there, so I made it a standalone for [Jack Alphabet Soup](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/89973.html). Hopefully it works on it's own, or as a coda for Choices, and/or as part of a progression with another earlier story, Birthday.

The chime of the doorbell interrupted Jack's restless prowling. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Sara."

"Hi Jack."

"Come in. I'll get my jacket." Jack stood aside to allow Sara to step through the door. She touched his arm lightly as she walked by and wandered into the living room.

"I don't remember seeing these photos up before," she called.

"I finally put them up last year." Jack was putting on a windbreaker as he entered the room.

"They look nice," she said. She turned to Jack. "Ready?"

"I think so."

Jack followed Sara to her jeep. She got into the driver's side and lifted a bouquet of wildflowers from the passenger seat.

"Here, you can hold these," she said, handing the flowers to Jack..

"Okay."

Sara started the engine and backed out of the driveway. "I was surprised to hear from you. You're usually scarce this time of year."

"My duties put me on the road a lot," Jack said defensively.

"I wasn't judging you," Sara assured him. "I figured you like to be busy on the anniversary."

"I do," Jack admitted. "I happen to be on leave this week. I had planned to go fishing, but at the last minute I decided to stay in town."

"I'm glad you called. I could use the company."

Jack gave her a friendly grimace, then looked at the streets questioningly. "What route are you taking?" he finally asked.

"I wanted to take a little detour." Sara came to a stop at a building that Jack recognized as Charlie's school.

"What are we doing here?" he asked.

"That." Sara pointed at a tree halfway up the walkway to the brick building. "It's the tree that Charlie's class planted for him when he died."

"I'd forgotten about that," Jack said. The truth was that he had dismissed it as meaningless at the time. He had been too grief-stricken and bitter to appreciate the gesture. Now, with the passage of years, he regarded the tree with a friendlier eye.

"It was such a Charlie Brown tree when they planted it. So spindly and scrawny," Sara said affectionately. "Look at it now."

It was a lovely maple tree, around ten feet tall. It had filled out beautifully. The leaves had completed their seasonal transformation to a brilliant red. The color was striking against the blue autumn sky.

"I like to stop by here every so often to check on it," Sara said.

"It's beautiful," Jack said. He made a mental note to drive by the school from time to time in the future.

Sara started the jeep again and began driving. They traveled in comfortable silence as Sara negotiated the streets. Twenty minutes later they drove through the gates of Pine Ridge Cemetery and followed the winding roadway through the facility. Sara parked and took the flowers from Jack. She led the way to Charlie's grave and arranged the bouquet at the marker.

Jack knelt in front of the headstone. He traced the letters of Charlie's name on the stone and then looked up to take in the surroundings. The landscape rolled gently, with a generous supply of pine and oak trees. Neatly maintained graves with a variety of gravestones and decorations were visible all around. He could see other visitors in the distance. Birds chirped in the trees. It was a peaceful environment.

"I should have come here a long time ago," Jack said.

"You haven't?" Sara asked in surprise. She sat beside him.

Jack shook his head. "Not since the funeral. I though it would be too painful. Now that I'm here, it's not like that."

Sara nodded her understanding. "It was hard for me at first too. Getting in the car and coming is still difficult. But once I get here, it's better."

"It is."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"You sounded kind of odd on the phone. Did something happen to make you call?"

"Charlie told me to." Jack winced. He had not meant to say that out loud.

"Charlie did?" Sara asked.

"In a dream I had the other the night," Jack clarified.

"I see," Sara said.

After the incident with the alien a few years ago, Jack supposed he couldn't blame Sara for sounding so dubious. "What?" he asked.

"A dream? Or was there another "Charlie" like we saw a few years ago?" she asked.

Jack hesitated. He remembered why he sometimes used to wish that Sara was a little less perceptive. "You never really bought that explanation about a release of a hallucinogenic gas and an experiment with body doubles, huh?"

"Just between you and me, that wasn't your best work," Sara said conspiratorially.

"Yeah." He had known that. But then, he hadn't really tried all that hard to sell that ridiculous story either.

"Frankly, Martians would have made for a more plausible explanation."

Jack watched the flight of a passing hawk without speaking.

"Oh my God. It _was_ Martians!" Sara exclaimed.

"No. No Martians," Jack said.

"If you say so."

"I--" Jack paused. "There are no Martians," he repeated carefully.

"Uh-huh," Sara said pleasantly. Clearly she was well aware that there was more to the story.

"If there was more I could tell you, I would," Jack said. He had the feeling that Sara's guesses were uncomfortably close to the truth.

"I'm sure you would." Sara considerately changed the subject. "Whatever your reason for calling, it's good to have someone to talk to on the anniversary. The statute of limitations is sort of up as far as talking to friends."

"Yeah."

"They're sympathetic, sure," Sara continued. "But after a certain point, they don't want to hear any more about it. I can't say that I really blame them, but..."

"I know."

"You get all these subtle and not so subtle signals to get over it and move on," Sara laughed mirthlessly. "Well I have moved forward, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten."

"Does it ever really end, do you think?" Jack wondered.

"I was just thinking about that the other day. It's like losing a body part or having a scar that never completely heals over, isn't it? You move on, because there isn't any choice. But that wound is always there. Especially today."

"Someone asked me once whether knowing that Charlie would die, if it would have been easier if we'd never had him."

"Someone seriously suggested that?" Sara asked. "What did you say?"

"I was too pissed off to do much more than say no and walk away. I've thought about that a lot since then." Jack paused for a minute. "Losing Charlie is the worst thing I've ever known, but if someone came to me and said they could erase it by making it so he never existed, I would say no."

"That must have been some dream," Sara said. "You don't get like this very often."

"Yeah," Jack said. "It made me do a lot of thinking. Eight years wasn't nearly long enough to have him, but I wouldn't give up those eight years. He made me a better person."

"Me too," Sara said.

"I don't think I'll ever really get over it, but I can be grateful now for even having him at all."

Sara gave Jack a look of surprised appraisal. "I wouldn't trade that gift either," she agreed.

"Still, I'd rather be arguing with him about whether he can borrow the car, than having this conversation."

"Or telling him to clean his room," Sara said.

"Or get a haircut."

"Or to go study."

"Or turn down the music," Jack continued.

"Or turn off the computer," Sara concluded.

They traded wistful smiles and then were quiet.

After awhile, Sara noticed Jack starting to fidget. "Are you ready to go?" she asked.

"Yeah. Are you?"

Sara nodded and they returned to her car. Neither felt the need for conversation during the drive back to Jack's house.

Once Sara came to a stop in Jack's driveway, he got out of the car and leaned back inside. "Thanks for taking me with you," he said. "Otherwise, I'm not sure I would have gone."

"You're welcome Jack. Anytime."

"You know if you ever need anything from me, all you have to do is ask," Jack told her.

"The same goes for you," Sara replied.

Jack nodded. "Bye," he said softly.

"Bye." Sara gave him a little wave.

Jack shut the car door and walked into the house. He tossed his jacket aside, got a beer from the refrigerator, and flopped into a seat in the living room. He let his eyes drift over the the photos on the walls, lost in thought.

His past held a lot of pain and regret. He accepted that the pain would never fully go away. There were also good memories. Those happy memories brought comfort now instead of pain. He had surprised himself when he used the word grateful earlier that day. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was true. Despite the many things he wished were different, he was in a good place now. For that, his gratitude was genuine.


End file.
